Posted by
Garnet92 on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 10:44:22 AM
President Obama called an end to the Iraq war today during a press conference in the rose garden. His first words: “I promised that I’d end the illegal and immoral war that we’ve been fighting for the last six years, and by Obama, I’m going to do just that.”
When the President stepped into the Rose Garden, it was said that the heavens opened up and a golden light shown down upon him; some say they saw a halo. Although the day had been cloudy, the clouds parted and disappeared. A soft summer breeze smelled of freshly-baked cookies and cinnamon; flowers blossomed and songbirds chirped their happy songs. The Washington Post called it “a wonderous moment; a religious experience.”
As he began to speak, thousands lining Pennsylvania Avenue were taken aback when the earth started to tremble. While some took the movement as an approving sign from God, it turned that the crowd's tingling legs (like Chris Matthews) began to spasm in unison, at the same harmonic frequency, and went into sympathetic resonance, causing a 3.9 earthquake.
Journalists are still trying to verify the accuracy of reports describing the events that followed. There have been conflicting reports of the President’s actions.
The troubled New York Times had its last remaining reporter covering the event and he reported that the President showed exceptional calm and “true grit” while those around him panicked.
But bloggers were present and told a different story. The bloggers say (and cellphone cameras confirm) that the actual signing was delayed until the Secret Service was able to coax the president to come out from his hiding place under a wheelchair.
Witnesses say that when the quake started, he turned white as a sheet, appeared to freeze for a moment, and then went completely berserk. He pushed a nurse out of the way and shoved 105-year-old Mrs. Polly Ester and her husband Lester to the ground and cowered under Mrs. Ester's wheelchair until the quake had subsided. Secret Service agents reported that the President was still visibly shaken and as pale as Michael Jackson when he was retrieved. Lester Ester, Polly, and Polly's nurse were taken to Al Sharpton Memorial for observation.
The front page of the Times credited President Obama with incredible bravery in saving the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Ester and the nurse. Showing true spunk, the President continued the ceremony after changing his soiled shorts and pants. His spokesperson said that the president's continued trembling was attributed to anger that he wasn't able to save more lives.
A brief interview with the Esters at the hospital found them with a few scrapes and bruises, but otherwise ok. 94-year-old Lester Ester was still fuming and brandishing his cane; "I'll kick his yellow a$$, I don't care if he is the president." Apparently, Mr. Ester forgot that President Obama is black.
More at 11.