His campaign was relieved when Obama’s proctologist called to say that they found his head
Since Michelle doesn’t snore, burp, sweat, or fart, she simply must bi*ch or she’ll blow up
Jesus loves Obama, but everyone else thinks he’s an a**hole
Obama is so dense, light bends around him
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
He’s a gross ignoramus, that’s 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus
For Obama, everything is possible except skiing through revolving doors
Remember Obama, a closed mouth gathers no feet
Obama tried to get a new car for Michelle, but the dealer wouldn’t take her (rimshot)
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool
Obama has delusions of adequacy
Obama’s philosophy: “sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
And never, NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
And a few political quotes
Before he clinched the nomination, the founders of Ben & Jerry's ice cream decided to endorse Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton, which makes sense because Baracky Road is a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits and Cream." --Conan O'Brien
"Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap." --Amy Poehler
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! - P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire (1764)
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -.George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man ....which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -G Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. - Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan (1986)
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan