This post is an unabashed attempt to drive readers to my other blog “The Future-seeing Device.” It portrays the U.S. as it will be in the future IF the liberals gain control. The following predictions are a sampling of what’s on the Future blog. If you like these, there’s a link at the end to take you there. The predictions are (hopefully) humorous satire.

The Environment

The government has mandated the reduction of personal body temperatures from 98.6 to 97.4 to reduce global warming. Any citizen with a temperature above the baseline (97.4) is subject to ice water enemas until body temperature returns to “normal.”

Citizens are required to skip every other breath (to reduce CO2 emissions) and to release flatulence only in their own homes (or be fitted with a personal fart-scrubber).

Global warming advocate Al Gore filed suit to have each recording station’s devices tested to find any uncounted degrees that might be left hanging about. West Palm Beach monitoring officials had difficulty in identifying whether a temperature had been recorded in Celsius or Fahrenheit (some stations reported both, calling the results into question).

Immigration

The Department of Compassion has started another progressive program, called the “level playing field” program. It applies to all citizens, regardless of their native language or country of origin. Effective Jan. 1, all government documents and signage will be produced in Esperanto only, thus removing any advantage that English-speaking citizens would have had over disadvantaged immigrants. “We just want everyone to have an equal opportunity,” said Dr. Pepe Roni.

As a result of the new immigration policies, Mexico’s entire population has immigrated to the U.S. - Mexico is now empty.

With large concentrations of new citizens flexing their political muscle, the state previously known as “Texas” will be renamed “Texico,” California is being renamed “Tacofornia,” and efforts are underway in Arizona to change that state’s name to “Refried Arizona.”

Healthcare

Though largely unsuccessful in his previous attempts, Minister of Health W. E. Coyote, is leading the research to find a vaccine for the elusive Roadrunner strain of bird-flu.

As a result of his personal participation in the bird-flu research, Mr. Coyote contracted the dreaded “meep meep” virus and periodically has relapses causing unusual accidental injuries (mostly involving mountains, jet power, or TNT).

The new drug powerhouse Price-Spitzer, Inc. has received FDA approval for two new drugs, Obamacillin and Obamamycin. Dubbed the “Messiah Drugs”, they have been responsible for complete eradication of jock itch, yeast infections, hair loss, and constipation.

Transportation

Personal mobility utilizes vehicles manufactured by Yugo Ltd. The most popular model, the “Yugo-girl”, runs fine for 28 days, then becomes uncooperative and hard to start for a few days. Yugo recommends that men avoid contact with this model during the cranky period.

Gasoline and diesel fuels have been replaced by an inexpensive renewable resource – i.e., legume (bean) power. Efficiency is excellent; thirty-two ounces (2 16oz cans) of navy beans will power a vehicle for about 400 miles and about $5 will “gas up” (in the truest sense) at any convenience store or truck stop.

Performance-minded drivers will find that jalapeno ranch beans provide maximum power but the excessively hot gasses tend to really, really, burn the exhaust pipe.

Entertainment

The Population

On July 30^th, Candidate Obama said “There are things you can do individually, though, to save energy. Making sure your tires are properly inflated — simple thing. But we could save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling — if everybody was just inflating their tires? And getting regular tune-ups? You’d actually save just as much!”

Oh, really? Let’s look at that more closely (for the time being, I'm only going to address the 3% tire inflation aspect):

Under-inflated tires can lower gas mileage by 0.4 percent for every 1 psi (pounds per square inch) drop in pressure of all four tires. (Car Care.org)

For a recommended tire pressure of 30 psi (a fairly average norm), a 3 percent underinflation would require the tire to be at 22.5 psi.  Using the Car Care formula (3%/.4% = 7.5 psi) and subtracting the 7.5 from 30 yields 22.5 psi. And note that the Car Care formula specifically states “of all four tires.”

That’s low enough to be felt in the handling of the car (assuming that you’re conscious), but may not be noticeable by a casual glance at the visual profile of the tire.

On a whim, I just checked my four on-the-ground tires and found them to be 31, 30, 29.5, 29.5. Proper inflation is 30 psi for these tires on my crossover SUV. I haven’t checked my tires, nor has the car been to a dealer for service in three months. In other words, I could not participate in the 3 % improvement that Obama talks about.

In order for that 3 % improvement to offset a sizeable portion of the oil that is anticipated from new drilling, how many autos would have to be currently driving around underinflated by roughly 6-8 psi? U.S. Dept. of Transportation says that there are 62,000,000 registered vehicles on America’s roads. It’s going to take a high percentage of those vehicles having four underinflated tires to add up to a savings equivalent to “all the oil they’re talking about getting off drilling.”

I’d sure like to see the numbers that the Obama campaign used to arrive at that statement. If we could get their source numbers and verify them, and arrive at a result reasonably close to justifying that statement, I’ll contribute $200 to the Obama campaign.

Monday, August 4, 2008, Washington, D.C.

Presumptive democrat nominee, Barack Hussein Obama, announced a new emergency energy plan today. In a speech at the Feeble-Minded Democrats of America (FMDA) conference, Barack Obama chastised “Big Oil” for making a ten-percent profit margin while family budgets are stretched thin by being forced to pay upwards of $4.00/gal. for gasoline. The Feeble-Minded Democrats comprise the majority of the party’s elite and gave Senator Obama standing ovations several times during his address.

Sen. Obama was visibly incensed, “It is unconscionable that the ‘fat cats’ of Big Oil reap the benefits from this country’s natural resources while the poor suffer, and I intend to do something about it.”

“First, I’m proposing a ‘Windfall Profits Contribution’ that will relieve Big Oil from the accounting complexities demanded by dealing with very large numbers. We’ll simply reclassify appropriate ‘excess’ profits as voluntary contributions to my federal government. The oil companies will save money by hiring less capable accountants and their reporting of profits to shareholders will require less disk space and paper since they'll be dealing with smaller numbers. The plan detailing these provisions is called The Accounting Simplification System (A.S.S.). Recent discussions with experts have convinced us to skip a scaled-down partial implementation and go directly to the full system, termed the A.S.S. Whole system.

“Second, I’ll propose a new department, the Department of Largess whose job it will be to distribute the funds donated by the oil companies. In order to maintain the administration of the new department at the highest level of confidence, I’m appointing Reverends Jeremiah Wright, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton as the board of directors. The veracity of this group is unassailable and they will comprise the brain trust of the A.S.S. Whole system.”

 “Third, I’ll create another alternative to alternative energy sources. We’ll fund several promising new sources of electrical power, such as Potato Farms, Eel Farms, and Shuffle Farms. I will also put to rest a vicious and unfounded rumor that is related to our new energy bill.”

“These new alternatives to previous alternatives are as yet untapped resources that can be exploited to offer cheap and renewable sources of electricity.”

“For example, an experimental plant in Walla Walla, Washington is currently in small-scale production of electricity from banks of potato batteries. The Potato Farm is currently producing 610 watts/day, but will increase output (by adding more potato cells) in about 90 days. An added “green” feature is that once a potato’s energy is exhausted, the remains are sold to Sonic Drive-ins to be made into Tater Tots.”

“Another progressive concept is the Shuffle Farm. This facility employs homeless individuals in a humanitarian work program. They are paid to continuously shuffle up and down treated nylon carpet lanes while wearing helmets which contact a metal ceiling connector (not unlike bumper cars). The energy produced by a single individual is small, but with full scale production (about 500 homeless per plant) a facility should produce 2.5 Kilowatts/day. Output has been found to increase dramatically when pit bulls are released into the shuffle cells.”

“Eel Farms are the third new source of energy funded by my new program. I will be funding a Department of Eel Husbandry to study breeding electric eels for use in electricity production. An 8 foot, 40 pound eel can produce intermittent discharges of up to 650 volts for up to one hour. In practice, male eels are connected to a collection grid while residing in individual tanks. When a female eel is brought into proximity with the male, he discharges. Immediately following discharge, the male goes to sleep.

By presenting the female and triggering the male’s discharge, the male can generate voltage about once every twenty minutes. The experimental plant dubbed “The Eel Rancho Grande,” is currently producing peaks of 3.0 kilowatts with thirty-seven active males. A problem yet to be resolved is that the continuous excitement/discharge soon depletes the males such that upon ‘retirement,’ some have weighed as little as two pounds.”

“And finally, I want to refute an assertion that the U.S. was intending to steal power from Canada. The really, really, large extension cord running under Lake Huron to Canada’s Bruce A nuclear power plant was part of an energy plan initiated by the Bush administration and I pulled the plug as soon as I learned of it.”

What are we seeing in Barack Hussein Obama? Are we seeing the “real” Obama? Are we privy to the inner Barry, is what we see, what we’ll get?

Not a chance.

His political handlers are more like “artists,” in that they must take a lump that is Obama, starting with little more than a gift for oratory and a pleasant appearance, and mold and shape that silly putty into a completed product that is convincing to the sheeple. That’s quite a task.

The real genius of his “artists” is that they are trying to mold him into so many different shapes, all at the same time – that may be why he appears so “lumpy” at times.

His artistic crew is made up of painters (of a rosy picture), sculptors (molding a desirable persona), composers (of his thoughts and statements), and chiselers (who will chip away our income through his tax and spend policy positions). Without his artist handlers, Barry is a thin, articulate, movie extra. He could play a mid-level bureaucrat on TV, but I doubt that before this election he would have been cast as a “leader of men.”

The problem with Barry is that he is a composite, an amalgam, the Barack Hussein Obama that is presented to the public is a Mr. Potato Head, with all sorts of attributes, concerns, plans, and positions stuck on to embellish the overall product. But underneath, he’s just a brown, thin-skinned, white-inside, lump of starch and empty calories.

I know, I know, Osama is the founder of Al-Qaeda. He claimed responsibility for the carnage of 9/11 and has been officially branded a terrorist. He’s an undeniably bad guy. But what has he done TO us lately? His inaction has been far less damaging to the United States than Nancy Pelosi’s actions (and absence of action).

Which one is really an enemy?

San Fran Nan, in the face of increasing gasoline prices and the plight of working families, has chosen to thwart all efforts to increase our own production of oil. She has blocked all efforts to even allow a vote. Why? Because she knows she and her minions will lose.

The price of a gallon of gas is only one problem. Our growing dependence on foreign oil is potentially much more serious – MUCH MORE SERIOUS.

Instead of drilling for new oil, she wants to release oil from the strategic preserve. Apparently, she doesn’t understand why the Strategic Petroleum Reserve is there. Let’s look at the meaning of the word “Strategic”: Highly important to an intended objective; Essential to the effective conduct of a war.

Either Rep. Pelosi doesn’t know the definition of the word “strategic” or she thinks that we are in a situation where defending ourselves against $4.00/gal. gasoline is more important than defending ourselves from an supply disruption – whether caused by an aggressor or a natural disaster.

We currently have 727.2 million barrels in reserve (U.S. Dept. of Energy). Our capacity was authorized to be increased to one billion barrels by The Energy Policy Act of 2005. Those one billion barrels were determined to be a reserve in case of war or disruption in the supply of oil – not to temporarily reduce the price at the pump. We’ve tapped the reserve only twice: in 1991, during Desert Storm and again in 2005 (after Katrina) to replace output from shutdown Gulf of Mexico facilities. Each of these drawdowns were for 30-35 million barrels. The current inventory in the SPR would last from 33 days (with no domestic production) to 98 days with continued domestic production – and only supplanting imported oil.

The SPR is insurance, pure and simple. It would allow our economy to survive a serious blow. Reducing our “insurance” exposes the country to dire consequences if the unthinkable occurs. Is Nancy really willing to go “all in” and expose the country to economic disaster? Apparently, politics is more important to Sen. Pelosi.

Drawing down the SPR is the best solution Nancy’s got? Based on her current immovable position, she could be potentially more harmful than Bin Laden.

Let me say that I’m sure if we were attacked, she would change her tune. I’m sure that DEEP down inside she is a patriot. But she is placing the country and our economy at serious risk for purely political reasons.

His main contact was a mid-level speechwriter, a young woman named Shanda Lear. She was cute in a kinda nerdish way herself and Reid thought, hmmmm, maybe one day …

The usual scenario was that Reid would run a set of diagnostics on the two laptops (main and backup) immediately before downloading the speech from a DVD produced by the speechwriters. After the download, Shanda had the responsibility to spot check the speech on both teleprompter laptops and certify that everything was in order. They did this two days before a really major address and one day for more ordinary speeches.

Friday night’s address was a big one; an important policy speech that the campaign thought would lift Obama above the magic 50% mark and keep him there. They were confident of a significant bounce. So far, Reid wasn’t privy to the contents but the buzz was that it would be a bombshell. Florida was important in the electoral tally and McCain had been polling strong there. McCain was inching up on Obama all over the country, Obama needed help.

Reid worked peculiar hours; he was on call at any time, day or night,  to recover a lost file or train a new staffer – nothing too difficult. Shanda called Wednesday evening to arrange for a test download, and they met in the hotel’s small conference room to do the transfer. He usually loaded the “B” unit (the backup) first and they verified that the file was copied ok before loading the main computer. Everything was working fine. They’d do the same thing tomorrow evening with an updated version of the speech. Once checked, both laptops went with Shanda for safekeeping until right before the speech. The campaign was extremely security conscious and knew how much Obama depended on the teleprompter.

On the way back to his room, Reid passed a partially open door and heard part of a heated conversation coming from inside. One voice sounded like Rick Shaw, one of Obama’s top campaign guys, but he couldn’t identify the other. “These hicks are brain dead, don’t worry about it;” that was Rick for sure. Reid stopped – “hicks” and “brain dead,” - curious talk from a campaign staffer. “I don’t give a sh** – he can’t say that,” responded the other. “No one will ever know, we’ve covered all the bases, created documents, put evidence in place, we’re covered – this story will get us the big enchilada.” Again, Reid could recognize that voice but still couldn’t identify the other. The unknown guy said “if anyone finds about this – we’re finished, and so is Barack – we’ll all go to prison.” Whoa … “prison”, Reid heard loud and clear. He thought “Holy Sh**, what’s going on here,” and eased over against the wall to hear the conversation better. For several minutes, the two went back and forth, arguing over the details of the plan, the sheer audacity of which ran a chill up Reid’s back. “Someone’s got to know about this,” he knew he had to do something.

All at once, the door shut. Someone must have noticed that it was ajar. Good thing they didn’t check outside first. Reid continued down the hall a few steps and heard the door open behind him. Looking back, he saw Frank Phurter exit the room. He looked nervously at Reid but didn’t know him and moved off in the other direction. Phurter had been the head of the “dirty tricks” unit for Hillary’s campaign and was now employed by Obama. Reid had never met him, but Shanda had pointed him out at a rally once.

Now it all made sense, Obama was worse than an “empty suit”, his shorts were empty too. And the campaign was about to fool the voters into believing that there was something that he’d been hiding. Out of patriotism and duty, Obama had kept it quiet. This would bolster his credentials and give him the shiny brass balls he lacked – holy crap; this was the “bombshell.” Man, when a dirty tricks guy thinks that a plan is too risky, that ought to be a red flag.

Reid was pissed. “Outright lies, fabricating a complete bullsh** story to get that s.o.b. elected, what a crock. I can’t let them get away with this. But what can I do? No one will believe me – they’ll just deny, deny, deny.” And then, Reid had a “eureka” moment, he knew what he must do.

He called Shanda and told her he’d just downloaded a later version of PromptMe (the teleprompter software) and needed to update the two computers before Friday’s address. Reluctant to modify software right before such an important speech, Shanda took some convincing. Reid described an important update that fixed a problem with the “roll” of the advancing script whereby it just froze. That did the trick. A dead prompter was a worst case scenario for the campaign. Obama would be a puppet without someone manipulating the strings; a dummy without his ventriloquist. He became an “umm-bot,” prone to unintelligible words liberally interspersed by “umm’s.” If anything went wrong with the teleprompter, they would cancel the address – it was that serious.

Shanda dropped the laptops by Reid’s room saying she’d be back after a meeting, about ten-ish, to pick them up. She also left the latest speech DVD so Reid could load it at the same time. Reid had roughly three hours to work some magic.

He enabled the Wi-Fi on both prompter pc’s (normally not enabled for security reasons) and verified access to each from his personal laptop. He copied the Thursday version of the speech to his laptop. He could now access the final speech from his own computer when the time came. He downloaded a new release of PromptMe, which in fact only had minor fixes, to give him cover for wanting early access to the computers. The stage was set.

This was the first opportunity he’d had to actually read an Obama speech. Normally, when he and Shanda did their thing, he never had much time to absorb the words, he was just interested in making sure that the text was there and available to the display unit; the rest was up to the camera and prompter technicians and His Holiness.

As he read, he could tell that Obama was building up to the “reveal.” The first few minutes was the usual fluff: “the wonderful folks in Orlando,” “proud heritage,” “important battleground state,” “how much he loved Floridians,” blah, blah, blah. Same old crap wherever he spoke. Sure they’d change a few words (that must be the “change” Obama talks about) and tweak the boilerplate so the “rubes” would think that it was especially for them. He read on … here it comes …

“My friends, I’m going to tell you a secret. A secret about a defining moment in my life. For reasons of national security, I could not tell this story before. What I’m about to tell you will flesh out Barack Obama so that you will finally see me as I really am. John McCain and the press have savaged me for having no military experience. Well, now you’ll hear the truth. I was an undercover CIA operative for two years and saw armed combat in a small country in the Java Sea south of Borneo, where I led rebels in overthrowing a ruthless tyrant. This occurred during those two years when I was supposedly in Hawaii writing my book. I developed the battle plan, executed it, and personally led the rebel troops in attacking an airbase held by the national army. I was wounded in action and received the Department of Defense’s Patriot medal for bravery. Of course, because this was a secret C.I.A. operation, no one would ever know; until now. Recently, the C.I.A. declassified my records, so my story can now be told.”

Reid’s stomach was churning – it was all he could do to keep his lunch down. Reading this propaganda – no, not propaganda, propaganda was benign compared to this vile fabrication, these out-and-out lies. Earlier, he’d heard details of how evidence was planted into state department files, in D.O.D. files, and even the C.I.A. covert database. All to bolster the resume – the gravitas – of “Empty Shorts,” who was being groomed to be the next president. As Reid went on, he could see that the reveal must’ve taken up half of the speech. They were really banking on this “data dump” of outright crap to boogie Obama right into the White House – and no doubt, it would. Reid had never known that words could make a person physically ill, but those words did.

Shanda knocked at almost eleven – the meeting lasted longer than expected. The laptops were ready and back in their cases. She took both and left for her room. Now Reid had to figure out how he could manipulate the text to help Barack spill the beans. It was common knowledge within the staff that he’d read whatever was displayed, completely oblivious to what he was saying. He could have read a tribute to George Bush (Satan himself) without a clue to the words he was speaking. He was a polished automaton who simply, flawlessly, verbalized what he read.

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It was Friday; it was “show time,” just fifteen minutes before His Holiness took the stage to spread the manure around. Reid was ready, he felt like James Bond about to spring a trap on some eastern bloc spies to save the world.

Reid, feigning an upset stomach, left the arena and returned to his room. He had just enough time to download the finalized speech to his computer and compare it to the older version to flag any last minute changes that might affect his plan. There were very few changes to the areas that he expected to “adjust.” Through the WiFi hookup, Reid’s pc would follow the main computer’s text as it rolled, keeping the two computers synchronized. Reid’s laptop triggered on specific words in the main text and replaced original words with words from Reid’s text – it could be one word or several sentences. This happened in the pre-display queue since he was reading ahead of the actual display. Since he never actually changed any data on the prompter laptop, the speech remained in pristine condition. That left no evidence to explain why Obama got a case of verbal diarrhea. Reid was ready.

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Watching a network feed, he could see that the crowd was extremely agitated. Word had gotten around that there would be some major content in this speech – no one knew what, but the press was there in force – perhaps a small leak? Obama takes the podium and the crowd goes wild, chanting “O Bam Ma, O Bam Ma.” He starts in, twice having to ask the crowd to “simmer down.” The spectacle reminded Reid of an Elvis concert he saw when he was young. Obama went on with the speech until the trigger displayed Reid’s replacement words on Obama’s teleprompter. Dutifully, he read them as written: