STOP!
Do not read this without having read Book One “Obama Couldn’t Organize a Sock Drawer,” or your eyes will go funny and your houseplants will shrivel and die (even the artificial ones.) You have been warned.
Chapter 3, interview with an independent contractor
Barry felt better after talking with Reverend Rhong. The reverend was right, he couldn’t give up so easily. The reverend had given Barry a name of someone who could use some organizing and who might help him gain the confidence of the folks in the neighborhood. They were wary of outsiders, especially whites or “brothers who talked white.”
On the way back to his apartment, he walked down Jackson Street. He stopped at 1710 and knocked. Barry could see a thin curtain open just a bit as someone peeked out. “Who is it,” a female voice asked.
“My name’s Barack Obama, Reverend Rhong said I should talk to you.” That seemed to satisfy her. Barry could hear lots of unlocking, and finally the door opened. Her name was Laticia Lovewell and she was what the reverend termed an “independent contractor.”
“You here for business or pleasure”? She asked.
“Uhhh, Reverend Rhong said that you and I may be able to uhhh help each other.” Barry couldn’t help but notice that, several layers down, under an excessive amount of makeup, she might be pretty. And, from the looks of what she was wearing, she could use some organizing.
Laticia slowly looked him over, she bit a lip to keep from laughing at the split-pea-colored suit the john was wearing. But no playa would wear an outfit like that; he must be just what he looked like … a brown Pat Boone. “Wonder where his pocket protector is,” she thought. “Okay, you can come in.”
Her place looked like a motel room inside, just minimal furniture and no personal items – could have been a Motel Two room except for the four-poster king-sized bed. “Alright, what’s this about”?
“Reverend Rhong said that you and your, ahhh, uhhh, co-workers were having trouble with your management, and he thought that I could help you and your uhhh friends get better working conditions, better pay, benefits, and better hours by organizing together, like a union.”
“A union”? Laticia laughed. “What do you think I do”? She asked with a sly grin. “I don’t know – maybe you sew or you work in a beauty shop”? Barry really had no idea – he was clueless.
“I’m a professional companion, you know”?
Barry was still puzzled and it showed.
“Men pay me and I do things for them; make them feel real good.” How dense could this guy be, she thought. Still not a glimmer of understanding from the nerd. “I’m a hooker, a ho, now do you understand?” “I do men for money.”
Oh … a ho? … Barry was speechless. He had never met a “woman of the evening,” and he just didn’t know anything about the commercial market for what she was selling.
So, for the next hour, Leticia explained the facts of “ho’ing” to Barry. She took great delight in going into explicit detail and watching him squirm. It was obvious that this kind of talk made him uncomfortable.
“So your agent arranges .. er uhhh, appointments for you and takes a portion of your earnings as his ahhh commission, it that right”? Leticia agreed. “But he still gets his commission when you ahhh, er make the sale without his help too”? Again, she agreed. “And he sometimes avails himself of your … er ah … services without paying”? “You got it, honey.”
“And you have a menu of options from which the customer … er, trick can choose?” “Right.” “And these options have individual prices, but you do offer a … ah uh … volume discount”? “You got it,” Leticia was relieved that the nerd finally got the concept.
“Now, how you gonna “organize” us”?
Barry had never thought of organizing people before. But hey, it just might work. He could organize the girls into size and color, economy or deluxe, mini or super-sized, the list was endless. “Super-size me,” “say, that would make a really keen marketing slogan.”
“Wow,” again – his massive brain was spinning – like slot reels – and the reels were stopping on “Jackpot”. “I’ll do it,” he almost shouted, “I’ll organize you”! Leticia jumped on that, “Not so fast, brown boy, you don’t get no freebies.” Barack quickly explained what he meant.
“I’ll need to know more about your business plan and staffing and how you handle depreciation, budgets, that kind of thing.”
Leticia laughed. “You one crazy dude.” “We ain’t got none of that stuff, we just do as much as we can as often as we can.” Barry was disappointed, but he couldn’t give up. He’d just have to work around it. They needed change and he needed a plan.
He’d create a Blueprint for Change. That’s the answer.
Barry made arrangements to meet Leticia tomorrow at the same time, to go over his plans for change.
Chapter 4. Barack’s Blueprint for Change
He didn’t have much to work with: a calculator, a tired Commodore 64 computer, a beat-up flip chart, and an old Smith-Corona manual typewriter, but by gum, he had a gift for organizing! He was the one the ho’s had been waiting for!
Barry started a list. Working from notes he made while interviewing Leticia, he listed the services and the rates. He did some plain and fancy calculating and ciphering. He compared and analyzed. He even went to the library and contacted an attorney referred by Reverend Rhong. His organizing was working out and his plan was shaping up.
There were six employees in Leticia’s group, managed by a plmp called “Sup Dawg.” Besides Leticia, there was Merrilee Godown, Juana Dumey, Suga Sweet, Amanda Lay, and Geneva Convention. Of course, Barry knew that these were their “professional” names, nom de ho’s as it were.
One thing was clear, Sup Dawg was taking one-third of their earnings for doing little, sometimes nothing, and getting fat on the backs of the girls (so to speak) while the girls were getting the shaft (no comment).
They should have health coverage, child care, educational benefits, and retirement – but management was doing what management always does by nature - being greedy while the employees get screwed (ed. note: er … no … nevermind).
He compiled his Blueprint for Change, converting his hand-written notes into a flip chart presentation. He was ready.
He got to Leticia’s place a little early. This time, she let him in quickly. He set up his flip chart, the top page read simply “CHANGE” in block letters. The other girls showed up right on time and sat down. They didn’t understand why they were there; they only came because Leticia called a meeting. They were skeptical when they saw Obama present – who is the big-eared guy, and why was he here?
Barry introduced himself and proceeded to explain how he had analyzed their operations, their revenue and expenses. He seemed to grasp the realities of their business. They were impressed. Besides, he was “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” (little did they know that one day, a U.S. Senator would describe him that way).
“Are you ready for a change”? Subdued answers all around.
He flipped the CHANGE page up, exposing his title page. It read simply, “Community Therapy Clinic, LLC.” Questioning looks from one to another traveled around the room – they were puzzled.
“I’m proposing that we set up a nonprofit LLP, a Limited Liability Partnership. It’ll be a charitable organization, and we, uhhhh you, will provide therapy services to the male patients.”
He flipped to the next page. “Federal and state grant money will pay for an office, social services will cover all of our expenses, and the cash fees for treatments are tax-deductible to your clients since we’re a 501(c)(3).” “And here’s the cash cow … we’ll bill Medicare for the senior citizens you … uhhh … treat.”
Geneva was first with a comment. “I ain’t doin no old dudes.” “Hold on, Geneva,” Barry responded, “We can bill Medicare $445 for each treatment of an old dude.” “And they’ll need therapy once a week for six or eight weeks. That means recurring income, that’s change you can count on.” “Ooowee, honey, sign me up!” Geneva would learn to be kind to wrinkly old men.
Suga was next, she wanted to know how much she would make in this new clinic. Suga was a small-sized girl and barely legal. Barry would categorize her as a “Therapist, Mini.” Barry happily responded, “I estimate over $80,000 annually for starters.” Smiles and grins all around.
Pointing to the chart, Barry said “Column 1 is your rate structure now.” It showed each girl’s rate for a [bleep]. He pointed to column 2 which showed a flat rate of $60. “You mean that I’m, uh, we gonna charge $60 for a [bleep]”? “That’s right,” affirmed Barry. He went on to explain the other services and the increased rates – the girls were catching on – enthusiastically. “Honey, I’m not sure I’m worth that much,” said Juana, grinning from ear to ear.
Merrilee wanted to know how the patients would find out about the clinic if Sup Dawg wasn’t soliciting for them. “Reverend Rhong has agreed to let us place advertising in the church bulletin and on their website – for a small monthly offering.”
“And, we’ll have Dr. Chris P. Bacon on staff, just to make it legal.” “Dr. Bacon will examine the men and prescribe a series of therapy sessions and we’ll bill social services or Medicare for the treatments.” The money would all come from “Barryland,” where money was plentiful because the taxpayer’s supply was endless.
“Damn, you is smart.” Amamda was of the super-sized persuasion. She would be classified as a “Therapist, Grandé.” She was one of the most “talented” of the stable. It was said, that she had some special talent having to do with a bowling ball and a garden hose (the significance of that talent hadn’t yet dawned on Barry).
Leticia had saved her comments for last. “How can we thank you for organizing our little community of independent contractors?” “You are our Messiah, you are a wonderful man.”
Barry loved adoration, he wore it well. “I know,” he said wisely.
Now that Barry knew the inner satisfaction that came with helping people, he’d be proud to add “community organizer” to his resume.